One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
