drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
farters have to be the big spoon...
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Randomize
