smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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