"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
