you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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