hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
