Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
