Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Randomize
