her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
