Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
