do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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