Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
