How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
