she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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