I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
