WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
