hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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