went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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