I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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