...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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