You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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