dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
