a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
