Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
