I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize