The maid of honor just puked.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
being pregnant is like rehab
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
