That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
