super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
