it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
