Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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