Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
