There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
