It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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