So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
