At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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