Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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