these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
My dick has a subreddit
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
