Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
