I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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