Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
