I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
