how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
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