I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize