I think I won the penis lottery.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
