Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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