My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
