i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
