She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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