I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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