so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
