I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
