Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
