Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
do nipples grow back?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
