I got chris browned last night
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
