I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
