my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
