What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
