He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
