I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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