She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
