I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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