I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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