ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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